Narrow is the Road

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
- Matthew 7:13-14

The last month or so I have come to a realization regarding a great many things. Narrow is the road I had been walking for months before and while walking that road the Lord should be a great many tools, most importantly he should me the power of the Holy Spirit within me as well as the great strength of my faith. However, as it is so often told many who are strong will still fall. Not only is this road I must walk narrow but it is testing. I found myself struggling to keep on it, so many times in the last month I had obliviously wandered off it into the gutter. And not only is the gate I must enter small but it is hard to find. As I have fallen off the road I aimlessly searched to find it once more.

The trouble with temptation and sin is that often times we do not realize it is upon us until it is too late and we feel without control of our flesh. I've learned crucial lessons pertaining to my weaknesses which I can clearly see now. It was only until I submitted in mourning to my faults that I remembered I am forgiven. Funny thing, forgiveness... like a compliment, sometimes it's hard to accept. It is one thing to be sinner having sinned but certainly another to continue living in sin, complacent. I see it all around me, those who numb the pain of doing wrong... those who want to forget there is a God who calls to them. I am not that person and no matter how far I fall or am tempted, I cannot help but turn my eyes to the Lord in repentance; in need.

The chaos of change the past month ensued a spirit of confusion, a feeling of being lost, and an attitude of complacency I cannot afford. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." I must never forget what I am called to do and who I am in Christ. I cannot escape it nor would I ever want to. Because I am his I cannot live ignorantly, I cannot live with compromise, I cannot be less than what he expects me to be. Imperfect as I am, I am made perfect in only his love.

A few months ago I encountered one of the greatest hardships of my life thus far (besides family troubles). I quit my job without having first another. I left my life completely 4:8)in God's hands wholeheartedly. Never in my life had I encompass such great faith, such amazing strength, such an inner peace with God always on my mind. I knew that he did not want me to worry, but only to rely on him and be still. I did everything possible to find another job and my prayers were answered. I had prayed for God's Will like there was no tomorrow and God delivered. Just as always does. Just as he did to save me from a horrible relationship and just as he did when he brought me back to Chris' side.

I find myself again regaining strength from somewhere beyond myself. I find myself at peace in the midst of a turmoil I have created. I am again understanding it is not my will but HIS. I am submitting and I am humbling myself in this process of sanctification I could have never seen while living in sin. "You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you on your pleasures." And this is key to receiving what God wants for you... it is your heart that speaks to him even when you do not want him to hear.

I have fled from what I desired because they were not of God... there were not true, noble, right, they were not pure, or lovely, my desires were not admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). The point is my desires had been tainted, I fell back into an old way of life. And it is said in 2 Corinthians... "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." I cannot be in both worlds and I do not belong in this one. I belong in the one of treasure.