Providence

I'm the type of person that stresses unbelievably and has a low immune system. Basically the two go hand in hand no doubt, I stress therefore causing my body to catch the most random of things. You name it I've got it, well actually even if you can't name it I've gotten it, in my stressful times, under harsh conditions, in times of turmoil and uncertainty I get sick. Today I took the day off of work to do spend some much needed time with the Lord, with myself, with others who I need, and to do some things that must be done. For instance, a rash that started occurring on my hand which has since gotten worse due to stress caused me to spend two hours waiting to see my doctor for an answer. In that time I read... I read the Word, I seeked guidance and answers for my soul and found them. Though they aren't ingrained fully into my flesh I am trying to incorporate what I have learned from God today. And that is... to trust. To not only trust, but to understand how to discern the Will of God. So many times I've prayed for it and so many times I have been delivered, why do I doubt I will be delivered again? Like Peter walking on water, I have seen the wind and become afraid. In my fear I have began to sink and in my sinking I have called out. I have called out with faith and I must be certain I will be delivered because God is my right hand.

"Sometimes God directs us from open and closed doors that seem to come out of no where. When you're seeking God what may seem like chance is actually providence." And this is how I know in my heart that God has a plan and it is to give me a future. He does not want me to drown in my fear, he wants to be glorified through me and so I need not stress.

The doctor, the most amazing Christian woman ever, told that my rash would go away and that the more I stress the more likely it is to stick around and get worse. Of course. I came home and took a shower. In that moment, I breathed in deeply and God told me to keep breathing and listen. I'm not sure yet to what but I know I am supposed to listen. I think to Him and to His counsel.

It is not enough to say that you have faith, to have faith you must be tested. You must know what it means to have faith and live it. "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

I look at my past to remind me of those things that have caused me to doubt before and I as I remember I also remember how I overcame my doubt and had faith in the path laid out before me. When I had faith I triumphed, I moved on to something better and that is what is laid again before me. It is no different but it is powerful and useful, it is great to persevere.