Let Go & Let God...

So much easier said than done.

Throughout our lives we're made to believe we have control of everything, that we can dictate how the world works, and through a sense of pure determination everything will be laid out before you. Sorry love, it doesn't necessarily work that way. I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure this world is much more profound than our puny attempts at success, having money or even at finding love. It's much more about destiny... fate, whatever you want to call it. The fact that we as individuals have an ability to change and thus change anything and everything. But at the same time everything is as it should be and will continue to be as it will be. It would definitely be nice if life didn't have so many uncertainties but then again I guess I wouldn't have much faith then would I?

Yesterday at church I was struck by a deep thought that required my attention and journaling. Yes, I have taken up my old passion of actually "hand" writing. Something is much more raw and theraputic about using my hands to write, to see the words I can't put a voice to. Anyway, enough lame tangents. It just so happens that Brad (the pastor) began teaching about Nehemiah and within his sermon yesterday he begged the question, "what is God trying to teach me." He mentioned perhaps God has us right where he wants us and implied that we should be looking at our present situation and searching to learn whatever God is trying to teach us. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, though I've fallen into a rut here and there I didn't really understand the purpose of my inactivity. Thus, realizing I wasn't asking God to show me what I was missing... I was merely trying to search for it on my own. What is God trying to teach me in this moment?

*Patience
*To lean on Him alone
*Perseverance
*Humility
*Unconditional love.

These are just a few of the main things which I have began to understand a bit better than I had previously. It's funny, I used to think I was the most patient person ever... clearly I am not and God has now shown me I need a little work. Perhaps I am supposed to more clearly define myself as well. Within this time I have started journaling more than ever. I actually opened up a journal I had bought YEARS ago and never written in. When it's time it's time and when you know... you know. It's not easy to have your eyes opened, but it's worth the pain to see something as it really is.

I think I've always been good at discovering the hidden life lessons amongst the craziness of life but sometimes I find myself blinded. Maybe it's a spiritual blindness that I'm really referring to. In a sense I feel like I can't see the reasoning, the hope, the choices... I feel stagnant. It's not until I acknowledge my dormant spirit that I finally begin to feel renewed and awake again. Yay! I <3 life.