And so it is...

...Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky...

- Damien Rice

My days seem so meaningless without love. As if time passes without my awareness, as if I am not wake when I am awakened. It's as if my body functions without my ability to choose what tasks it takes on, it merely does what must be done because it must be done. Thank God I have that type of discipline; to work because I must, to smile because I am kind, to literally drive my car and eat my breakfast merely to survive. I merely perform my duties in a robotic manner, awaiting the moments I feel alive again... and that's just the way it is. I cannot complain about it, I can only hope it doesn't last forever. Isn't it true how easily we take love for granted and no matter how much we want it we cannot enjoy it if it is not true.

My break up had been difficult but as time progresses I am seeing more and more how heaven sent that decision truly was. I'd rather be boring and alone then have to question who I am and furthermore feel bad about being that person. I'd rather laugh at myself by myself then never laugh at all. We are weavers and makers of our own destiny... to an extent. The challenge is knowing our limits and how to put faith in God when we reach them. Infinite possibilities are always on the rise, not all of them are good. Sometimes it takes a lot of practice and experience with the misconceptions to understand the gifts.

I don't think anyone will ever figure out relationships or love completely. I think we will all forever continue to attempt to explain it's grandeur, it's pain and pleasure wrapped in one. When it is present and thriving it really is something special that deserves all the contemplation that surrounds it, unfortunately it doesn't deserve the drama. Then again what would be a good romance without passion right? I think the real problem is that many of us tend to confuse the two and find ourselves wrapped up in the "idea" of what love is, what it could be, what we want it to be... and then inevitably become blind to the fact that we are living in an illusion.


"In the depth of love there is a depth of eternal despair, out of which springs hope and consolation." - Miguel de Unamuno