Just is.

Boring moments at work... the story of my money-making life currently.

I miss the days of stressful running around, yelling at people to refill the sugarfree-vanilla or grab me more milk for my bar. I miss the days of almost tripping and falling on wet floors because I refused to buy those nerdy slip-proof shoes. The days being covered in sticky chai syrup, souring crusty milk, and coffee grounds. I miss the days of knowing almost every single customer I came in contact with and their "usual". I miss grinding COD, cleaning the bar, making 24 drinks in less than 5 minutes on top of taking orders through drive thru, marking cups, and helping the newbees. I miss leaving work smelling of putrid grossness, I miss my car reeking of my apron, I miss discovering splattered chocolate on my shoes, or spilling frappaccinos in my shoes. I miss sharpie marks that seemed as if they were trying to create a "connect the dots" on my hand or the horrible scrapes on my fingers from moving too fast during a rush. Just the other day I answered the phone here at work,"thanks for calling Guaranty Bank, my name is Natalie, what can I get started for you?" LOL. I miss the fun of being "the crew"... I miss the commodore of being the veterans.

I know it sounds so silly but I actually miss working at First and Tulare climbing out the drive through with half my body just to pick up the change on the cement outside the window before the homeless guy wandered over and stole it. I miss closing Sunday nights and picking up after the incredibly self absorbed church people that would wander over from Northside (i know how ironic)... I miss waking up at 3:30am to be at the store by 4:14am almost every morning... I really miss moving so fast, being always busy and on top of our game...Ya, I am crazy. I even miss dealing with the retarded partners that should never have been hired. If only I would have had the power to fire them what joy it would have brought me. Hehe. It was one of those jobs that changed a lot for me in my life, I met my bestfriend... I went through one of the worst relationships ever during that time... I moved out... I started going out... I gained my independence... after almost 3 years it was the job that allowed me to grow up.

After that job I took one of the hardest internships possible. I went to work overseas, in Malaysia... for AIG. I look back and I am still amazed that I did it and was actually good at it! I was the ONLY white person in the building. I was the only American in the building let alone, blond female. I stuck out like a sore thumb, I didn't even work in the same building as my dad(conflict of interest they said). I worked for AIA as a Human Resource Representative to all departments. Basically I got to use my psychology knowledge to help an International business! So random yet so awesome. I can never express how lucky I am to have had all the experiences I've been privileged enough to go through. I remember working at AIG, it was extremely hard on me. I thought I wouldn't actually be doing real work... boy, was I wrong! I spent a week in Corporate Communications writing the Disaster Recovery Plan for Avian Bird Flu... writing Media statements... writing product brochures! Needless to say this experience was worth it and I learned so much.

Not only did I do all of that but I lived with my dad for two months in Malaysia that summer. Just me and him. What an enlightening experience to be on your own in another country while all your friends go to the lake, are tanning, and doing random fun things in Fresno...lol. Puts things in perspective. My life has always put the world in perspective. Whether it's been from moving to Texas when I was 3, moving to Thailand for 8 years... moving back to Fresno without knowing anyone... living with my grandparents... whether it has been dealing with my parent's divorce, my sister's pregnancy, whether it's been traveling all over the world for the past 13 years... whether it's been being forced to handle my mother... move out with a boyfriend... cope on my own.

Unfortunately, every strength comes with a weakness. My strength is my weakness. The strength I have to contain my thoughts and feelings, my strength of understanding others and putting their needs before mine is good in some ways... but ultimately leaves me with many shoulders to lean on just none who can handle the weight. As much as I don't entirely understand myself, I have found there is rarely anyone else who can understand me either. I think that's just life though... and so I smile anyway. I just smile as much and as long I as I can...

One day all the things I've done and all the things I've yet to do will matter to only a select few and the world will go on as if my life never happened. Yes, I know it sounds depressing but it's the way the world works. The only people who will remember are the people I've left my mark on... and soon they too will pass. So, when it comes down to it the way I react in my life to others will either keep my memory alive in others as long as possible or it will fade into the darkness as we fade into history... sobering thought isn't it? Maybe that's why they say, "live each day is if tomorrow is your last..." I would have wanted to make the most out out of life and bring others joy... so that's how I choose to live!

luv Nat