I've learned a great deal in the last year. Many things have come to pass in my life and the life of those close to me. In my current situation, leaving my job, I've realized most importantly to distinguish value. Which leads me to my first epiphany — money can't appease the soul, nor can it make something of no value valuable. To work solely for money causes disease to the body. Without a love for what you invest in, your heart will reject the very fabric of you're being forcing you to either remain stuck or decide just how much courage you actually possess. The courage to change or forever live in a world that eats away at your true value.
Secondly, due to my limitations or temptations which I see as the same thing I have come to realize that some people never live past the stage they were hindered in and there is a time to leave those people just where they now sit. Sometimes my attachment issues get the best of me, my unconscious need to live in the past and my sensitive nature lead me to not part from those things (or people I should say) that wear me down until it's too late. I've known this for some time but it wasn't until recently I began to mature in this aspect of myself and let go. Without letting go of some people we can never hold on to ourselves.
Thirdly, never take for granted those most precious to you. Recently my sister and her husband moved 8 hours way, to the reaches of Northern California. My sister is my soulmate and bestfriend and needless to say we never part. This was a hard adjustment for me but forced me to appreciate the bond we do have and the bond I share with other close family members. It was this too that helped me to understand my priorities and the actions I need to take to insure that those I love know they are loved. Knowing you are loved is felt in different ways by different people but the best way I know to show someone they are loved is to give them my time. This not only lets me build the relationship which I hold dear but also leaves me with the fondest memories I can hold on to; memories of the person or people I cherish.
Fourthly, I've learned that it is an imperative that I, personally, take time for myself. No one will look out for you better than you. The more you start to understand this imperative the more you hold yourself at a higher level of importance. My body has always been the best indicator for the need to change. Being sick frequently, the serious excruciating back pain, the weight fluctuation, self image, and lack of care for my overall health has proven to be one of the strongest markers. When you are happy with your overall placement, situation, life circumstance, choices, decisions... you will take care of you... you will feel ultimately at peace and healthy. For me, it's finally come to a point in which I need to exercise a habit of putting myself first.
Lastly I have had to come to terms and I am still continuing to come to terms with my self doubt and self defeating thoughts. With every great decision and instance of uncertainty I believe this is absolutely normal. I do not, however, believe I have the thoughts, desires, and motivation for a particular future for no reason. I refuse to believe my love for psychology and God, my passion for helping others, and need to achieve this are for nothing. Although, I do know it will take a great deal of faith in myself and faith in God and much sacrifice. I am terrified beyond belief and continue to battle discouragement. I question myself more and more as my reality becomes more and more uncertain. I choose to forge ahead. Breaking down walls, scrutiny, fear and I battle to the front lines building my own future, trying to listen to my heart as much as possible as it has never steered me wrong.
I refuse to believe that this change isn't for a purpose, a greater calling and I have to believe that I am led to do what I am doing because there is something much greater waiting. I can only hope that the Lord hears me and settles my anxiety as he has always done before, that he brings me back to his side, and helps me to focus on the steps ahead and his Will which I feel in my heart I am attempting.
It would be with deep regret and sorrow if I failed to listen to the voice within my soul, speaking through every cell in my body and so I venture into the unknown once again.
"... So we must try as many times as necessary until our many loves become the one love, until our many dreams became the one dream, until heart and path feel the same."
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