Selfish

I feel it in my blood, the confusion.
The wonder and craziness of whatever it is
I've been doing. I feel it in my bones, shaking and alone.
Just the way I like it,
the way I need it.
I feel it in my stomach,
the pit of this pain and bliss in one.
The turning and shutting off of my lungs,
without air...
tears drip down, cold.
Slowly breaking free and liberated without a hand to grasp but my own.
Just the way I like it,
the way I need it.
I dream it.
I breath it.
Freedom, belonging to one.
The one I know well.
I feel it in my throat, closing and choking down the words.
The words I can't ever say, enough... the words I don't say enough.
Instead I close my eyes and brace myself for the envitable.
The pain, I feel it in my soul.
And the tears drip down, warm.
Slowly leaving me and whispering the truth, setting me free and
it's just the way I like it, the way I need it.

To know it, feel it.
Touch it, see it.
Need it.

It's mine and no one else's
and I choose to keep it.